yesh.. i am being emtional again.. cried again juz nw.. why? haha.. was tokin 2 JieWei on msn on sum stuffs.. den link 2 de bond btw de gals n de guys.. n was tokin abt this fren... yah.. it reminds me on wat happen in my secondary sch yrs.. gt backstabbed.. hurt.. closed up.. reject makin frens... having thoughts of leavin de world.. but still i cling on.. thank God i am still here typing...
frenz... wat are frenz realli fer.. being there onli when they need u? or being there onli when u need them? or izzit being by ur side ALL THE TIMES!!! see tat? tat is wat frenz realli are... i admit.. i might nt be a good fren.. but at least i treat u all with sincerity... i nv had thoughts of getting aniting out of u all!!... but still there are a few of veri great frenz tat i can realli tok 2... ppl like Nick, YuXing, MeiFong, TaiFong, JieWei, Hanee, Shufen, Huiru, Salleh, Xiuli, HuiLing, Doris... realli thanks... i realli have a lot of things 2 thank u all fer.. but wat i wanna say is realli unable 2 express in words... thanks.. thanks!! realli thank God tat He actually place each and every single one of u in my life 2 help me...!!
yesh.. i cried.. i oso realise tat i have nt been myself.. being straightforward... bring truthful... speakin out wat i am feeling... thanks Jiewei fer reminding me.. duno why.. a fren who i kind of nt so close with can tell me sumting tat hit me so deeply... ya.. realli thanks a lot.. yesh.. i muz be truthful on hw i feel.. never hides my feelings.. tat is me.. i wanna find back who i wan 2 be!!... always be truthful... thinking back.. i have nt been veri truthful 2 my feelings.. i have so much things tat i wanted 2 say n yet i nv say aniting out... this causes me 2 feel so guilty.. coz i let myself down fer nt potraying who i suppose 2 be 2 other ppl... coz i let other ppl down fer nt voicing out my views...! yesh..thanks again.. thanks fer reminding me 2 be truthful...
maybe..de main reason why... i have nt been truthful is becoz i dun wan my frenz 2 get hurt on wat i say... i hate hurting them... i wanna protect all my frenz.. i love all my frenz as who they are... tis is becoz.. seeing them hurt.. it is like seeing my old self.. being hurt by a fren.. n began 2 close up... n not 2 be as socialise as before... but nw.. we are mature ppl nw.. we know wat we had done yrs ago are juz pure childishness.. though it still hurts.. de scar in my heart is hidden n neber been shown.. but still the scar is there.. n is juz tat u it cant be seen as i remind myself 2 be strong... neber cry in front of ur frenz... dun let them worry abt u... and tat is why i dun wan 2 hurt my fren.. seeing them hurt is juz like hurting myself.. i dunwan..!! i realli dunwan...!! i dunwan them 2 go thru wat i have been thru... i wan them all to be happy.. maybe u all might feel tat i am childish.. yesh.. i maybe... but still.. i insist... NO 1 IS ALLOWED 2 HURT ANI OF MY FRENZ!!
having said so much.. after a great long cry... i realli feel so much better... thanks Jiewei fer opening me up again.. n helpin me 2 accept de fact tat i am being so untruthful... so unreal.. so nt myself... thankz...!!
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